Saturday, September 30, 2006

WANTED: Dishwasher

I need a dishwasher. Apparently I've offended the Dishwashing Fairy (probably that snide remark about the dishpan hands), so no dice there. Seriously you guys, I hate it and they won't wash themselves no matter how long I leave them alone. Since I left my parents' house I haven't had a dishwashing machine to call my own. Do you have any idea how much money I spend on hand lotion? And I'm such an old-school hostess-with-the-mostess that I can't bear to let guests "help" after dinner (no one should lift a finger when they're in my home). Please, help a sister out. I gotta find a dishwasher quick! Even at this very moment, I'm putting off doing the dishes by writing about not doing the dishes. Hey, is that postmodern? Nah, just lazy. Anyway, here's what I'm looking for. Tell your friends.

WANTED: Dishwasher
Hours: flexible, possibly erratic
Pay: negotiable... uh, unpaid internship
Experience: crucial, ideally many years spent honing your craft
Requirements: able to stand for long periods of time, must love smell of soap, can withstand very hot water, has patience to scrub tines of forks until there's no icky bits of egg left... you know, long muscular arms would be nice, as would broad shoulders and a strong back. Actually, I heard Abercrombie & Fitch has topless male models in their store at the Grove, that could work... twinkly eyes, can carry a tune... honesty matters, clever, a razor wit...

Uhh, yeah. A dishwasher, like I said. What?


vanessa said...

sorry, no dishwasher here. i seem to love making them dirty, cleaning them is left up to my boyfriend. who? you ask. yeah, that is why they are left untouched in my sink as well.

little miss amy said...

Did you say there are topless male models at Abercrombie???

Tory Davis said...

That's the word on the street.